Hello Parenting Enthusiasts!
Oh yes, the infamous OPTIONS question. I get this one a lot, which is good because it shows that my son is listening and the system is working.
The system to which I am referring is a fundamental toddler negotiating tool. If you haven't already added it to your S.O.S. toolkit, here's why you'll want to.
The 'option' empowers a child to think for himself, to make a choice and to live by the consequences of that choice.
The other day my son wanted to play with the new Legos Grandma had brought to the house. That's cool, AFTER he puts away the toys that he'd been playing with previously. As I'm sure is the case in many households, behind potty training and eating vegetables, keeping the living areas clutter free is one of the toughest challenges I face. By giving him the option between picking up the old toys to make room for the new and not picking up and not playing with the Legos, I put his happiness square on his shoulders. He is in charge of what happens next. He has a choice. Interestingly, he chose NOT to clean up and instead opted for something else in an entirely different area of the house. So the living room is still in need of cleaning, AND YET, he's not complaining about the Legos. Partial win-win. Moving on...
Having options or choices is liberating for both parent and child. The parent isn't fully responsible for the children's happiness every waking moment, and the child gets to exercise power over themselves. Win-Win.
My kids' days are filled with options, from morning til night. Some are designed to create happiness, others to make things less bad. An example of the first is to let the child decide which favorite book to read or TV show to watch during free time. The second option, designed to make things less bad, is the option that can really help create win-win solutions. The following situation is a common one. Monster 1 does not want to get in the car and Mommy is close to running late. M1's options are to walk like a big boy under his own power to the car, or Mommy will give him a piggyback ride. Either way, he's getting into that car, which is the goal. The choice is his to make. If he chooses not to choose one of those options, we've jumped into the red light behavior category and different tactics need to be employed. (I'm still drafting this post, thanks for your patience). We'll just assume that my monster made one of the choices given, or made up one of his own - like skipping out to the car, which resulted in the goal being met.
Whatever the case, offering an option mitigated the need for more drastic action and gave everyone a sense of control. Again, win-win parenting. So, if you haven't already adopted options into your parenting style, give it a try. Remember to keep it simple. No more than a couple of choices is the recommendation. Design the options so that both parties somehow benefit and then have fun listening to your kids ask teachers, caregivers and others to tell them their options. It's priceless, really!
Happy Parenting!
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