Dear Parenting Enthusiast,
As much of a surprise as this may come to my friends and family, (HA!) I am not perfect. Far from it. And although I've come a long way Baby, I'm still capable of having myself a most righteous and undignified tantrum. They're not as bad as they once were (Amen) and yet they still happen. Hey! I'm human and subject to the frailties and mood swings of said species. In other words, I can still have a "big mad".
That's what we call meltdowns or tantrums in our house. Big Mads. I got that term from my sister, whose kids are older now and not prone to them as much (let's hope). And even though it would be nice if Mommy could maintain her cool through thick and thin, through freshly bathed M2 running naked, climbing up on the dining room table and commencing with dumping an entire glass of milk all over herself and the table, whilst M1 chants and hollers, I sometimes fall short of the mark. Perhaps I was experiencing low-blood sugar or lack of sleep. Whatever the case, we all have meltdowns, just like our kids. Rather than ignore them (not cool), or feel guilty for having them (not productive), I have decided that they make for a fine teaching tool.
Example: as mentioned earlier, M2 is drenched in milk, M1 is hollering and Mommy is ticked. Really ticked. She has been running ragged all day, was thinking she was at the end of this long road, what with the bath time being done and the bedtime just around the corner- and then this! She snaps.
"DAMMIT!" I yell as I race for the nearest Norwex washcloth (the best thing EVER). "G-O-D DAMMIT!" Yup, I've snapped. Now I'm stomping around, grumbling not-so-quiet-or-nice-things under my breath and basically scaring the bejeezus out of the kids. M1 takes off for his room. M2 just stands and cries. I've lost control of myself. Their reactions snap me out of it. I step back, take two or three deep breaths, re-center myself and come back to the job of cleaning (and now calming) the little offender. M1 reappears and watches silently. I finish wiping up, diaper M2 and am ready to address them.
"Mommy had a big mad" I say. "I am sorry I yelled and said bad words and scared you. Will you forgive me?" I look each child in the eyes and wait. Yes, says M1, and he runs off to get some toys for me to play with him. M2 just hugs me and babbles her forgiveness. All is well once more.
Everyone has a big mad once in a while. The key is to make corrections, fix the damage and most importantly CALL YOUR FOUL. Your kids deserve the respect of an apology. If you wrong them, say "I'm sorry". It's good manners and good modeling. And, it's what you would want if things were reversed. Not that you'd be standing stark naked on your dining room table, awash in skim milk, but hey...
Happy Parenting!
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